I don’t know about you, but I compare myself to others at least ten times a day. I measure my own “success” constantly, against everything and everyone, from professional bloggers and their beautiful (but curated) Instagram accounts, to my very own friends and colleagues who I love and who I respect. Often I feel like I’m not achieving enough, that I’m not making progress on my dreams and aspirations and goals, that everyone else is miles ahead of me in this race we call life, a life I don’t want to disappear in the blink of an eye, on which at the end I look back on and whisper, “I wish…”
This time last year I refocused my energy. I took a step back and – at the risk of being made an outcast – said no to some things and yes to very little. It worked for a while, avoiding the froth around the reality of life, but now I find myself back where I started, where I’m dashing here, there and everywhere (literally, to the other side of the world) for work on top of work on top of work, leaving little time for what is special. Yet again I feel as though my life doesn’t contribute anything to the bigger picture, that I don’t make a difference, that I don’t matter, that I’m here but I’m not here. But I am here, and you’re here, and we do matter. We just need to figure it out. Do we ever? Will we ever?
Now, for me, it’s time to re-adjust, to be a little selfish again. I need to spend time with my most beloved, to run with my dog and try desperately to be friends with my odd little cat. I need – yes, need – to write. I need to do something selfless and yet rewarding. What do you need? Are you getting it?
I’ve decided. I’m going to remind myself every day of what is precious, and really think about why I’m lucky, what I love about life. I’m going to consider what I’d like to achieve each week, or each month, so that by the end of the year I’ll feel that I’ve done something significant, that I’ve made a difference, on even the smallest of scales. On those days that I doubt myself, those weeks when I start to slip backwards into oblivion, I have my tulle skirt – its pinkness and frothiness will act as a beacon of hope and self-belief. It will remind me to get up, get dressed and hold my head up high – because I matter, and we all matter, and ain’t nobody gon’ tell us different.
Do you ever feel like this? Want to do it with me, re-evaluate? If so, please do get in touch and share your thoughts and life lessons with me, or just Tweet me or Snap me for a chat. We can – we have to – lift each other up.
Images: Kris Miller